At work today I noticed that there is a book for the teachers in the library called "Normal is just a setting on the washing machine." You have no idea how true that is to me right now.
I have found that I do not feel normal anymore... There seems to be a massive hole in my body and soul. I always knew that losing my dad would be hard, but I honestly never thought it would be this difficult... I always knew that when the time came, he would be in a better place and not in pain anymore...but the truth is, it still hurts. I feel that he was taken too suddenly...I expected the time to come after he had stopped working, couldn't do anything for himself...but he was still working, doing everything for himself.
I honestly do not know what normal feels like anymore...I don't know what it feels like to go to bed at night with a smile on my face, or go into my mom's house and not feel like my dad will come around the corner and ask Luke if he is ready for some groceries. I can't walk into the church without seeing my father's casket laying at the front. I drive to my parent's house and see daddy's truck in the driveway and think daddy's home early.
How do you go back to the way life was...or do you? Do you just accept that everything is different and go about your business?
The reality is that life goes on...no one else's stopped the day daddy died. So I guess the title of the book is right...Normal really is just a setting on the washing machine.
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2 comments:
wow jen! what an emotional/honest post. I know I don't have any words to make things better or to sympathise but I pray God will send you his message and comfort to you!
I feel the exact same way. I have really been struggling lately with Daddy being gone. Everything I see reminds me of him. I often just find myself replaying memories of him in my mind. They say it gets easier, but it hasnt for me. I actually think about him more now than ever. All the things I loved about him and all the "I wishes" that I wanted to happen. I guess we just learn how to function knowing that they are in a better place looking after us.
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